It's my first post for this brand new year. And it's going to be raw and honest.

I was really secure and happy for many, many years. I wasn't afraid of all that will come my way. I didn't even care because I always felt secure.

A new year just meant being older (adding a year to the damn application forms that I fill up).

But this year, it means so much more.

This year of 2011 brings with it a lot of fear, hope and uncertainty. This year, despite all that I feel and am scared of, I only have one path and that is, forward.

I have to hone my willpower to remain positive at all times.

Andrea, the sweetheart, told me "God will not give me more than I can handle".

What will be at the end of the road for me? I'm just like any other, feeling insecure for there's no sight of what my future will be like.

But I tell myself. Every thing happens for a reason. There can be happiness even through bad times. I need to know how to embrace happiness. From the littlest things to the biggest things. Saying yes to the smaller things in life gives me the courage to say yes to the bigger things.

Hopes and dreams can be destroyed. It takes much courage and strength to start anew. I will not let anything beat me down. I will survive this for there is happiness at the other end of the rainbow. I just have to make the journey there. And I have to start as soon as possible.

Along the way, I may fall, I may have some mishaps, I may even do things that cause me to take a few steps backward to misery. But at the end of every day this year, I must know that there is a goal that I am walking towards and forward is the only way to getting there...