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More about Insanity called Love and Marriage

I got a wonderful comment from Ed. I have enough to make this into another post.


This is his comment about my last post on marriage.

Ed said...
Are you aware, among the divorces involving infidelity, that the statistics of cheating wives supersede those of cheating husbands since 2000? Of course, this is one of those statistics circulating within the legal circle.

Cohabitation is just an easy way out for those who are unwilling to bear the responsibilities. At a point in my life, I was like you. But over times I began questioning myself, if I am unwilling to bear the responsibility, who am I to expect my other half to bear it? Chicken and egg question, but it does magnify that in the modern world, we think of ourselves more than for our partners. :)

Take away all the talks of womens' financial power etc, let's get back to the basics. It is this great divide out of selfishness for ourselves that contributed to many divorces. Simply, the old teaching of "what we can give our partners" is no longer present in modern marriages. It's all about "what I can reap from my partner".

January 16, 2009 11:55 AM

Ed, I agree. That was definitely not a post about how men are cheating bastards, etc etc. Because of the way women have evolved, we are doing all the nasty things that men used to be known to do (cheating, lying, extra marital affairs etc).

Sigh, and yes, it's all about "what I can reap from my partner" now. Will he give me happiness, security, support, respect, and be there forever? Is he financially sound? Will he be a financial, physical and emotional burden? Will he be a partner (someone on even ground) or a burden?

It's no longer about "what I can do for him". Like will I be able to give him happiness? Will I be able to give birth to and raise his kids well? Will I fit into his family? Will I be able to learn how to cook all his favourite dishes..?

I'm glad for all those who found happiness in marriage. I'm just not convinced it's right for me. YET (maybe.)

I think of cohabitation as the easy way out because there are no ties that bind. There are no "I Do"s to be broken (these break the heart forever), there are no explanations to be done to families on either side on why it didn't work out (more so compared to if just GF & BF and a chinese marriage is never just about 2 individuals), no hefty lawyer fees, no messy divorce agreements..... and those are all benefits both sides stand to gain from.

In a MSN conversation with him, we talked about how in 2001 alone, 64% of broken marriages in those filed as adultery/infidelity as the reason were made up of cheating wives. Scary right. He said that the news is full of how men cheat on wives. Few or none are otherwise. I say there are but the men usually kill the wife or the wife's lover and then the focus of the story is MURDER (which is more news worthy than sex). Hahaha!

Eugene's blog is full of his love for his wife and children. Sometimes reading his feelings and his experiences seem like a page from a storybook. But I know Eugene is flesh and blood and real. So I'm really happy for him.

Sigh, cheating is taken so commonplace nowadays. Can't I be a princess in a storybook and live happily ever after with my prince?

Ok fine, I get it, I can't.

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Tagged as: 5 comments
Posted by Ju Ann at Saturday, January 17, 2009
Comments (5)
  1. Ed

    January 17, 2009 2:50 AM

    Now from cheaters, you turn us into murderers. Hahaha! This is getting interesting. Maybe someone fill up the glass with the wife's blood and offer it to his guests as red wine.

  2. Angie R

    January 17, 2009 9:52 AM

    A BIG hello to you! I'm also a Malaysian who happens to live in Singapore!

    Cohabitation, marriage, and probably divorce...human beings all go through this same process and yet we're still trying it out. Isn't that amazing?

    You have interesting posts here. Will be back for more. :-) Angie

  3. Josephine

    January 17, 2009 3:44 PM

    I read Eugene's blog too. He is a very 'family man'...

  4. Ju Ann

    January 17, 2009 8:28 PM

    Ed: Ya! Men got ego mah, so when he know wife is cheating on him, he will get violent! hahaha stereotype lah. its more fun.

    angie: hey hi! Welcome! precisely... its like knowing these stats, knowing it all, does it make us all smarter? yea, more experienced, but does it help us make the "right" decisions.

    jo: ya. like fairytale hor. haha in a good way.

  5. Ed

    January 19, 2009 11:35 PM

    You should have read that piece of news, a wife burned her husband's little birdy because she thought he was having an affair. LOL! Ouch x 10

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